BY MICHAEL QUIRK
Residents of a neighborhood in Houston were alarmed on Sunday when their neighbor’s pet tiger got loose into the street. The video of the incident was posted on Twitter, showing an off-duty police officer with the testicles of an elephant and the restraint of a monk that’s taken a vow of silence.
There is a lot to take in here. For starters, the lady saying, “it has a collar. It is somebody’s pet.” Oh thank God. I was worried it was a wild tiger that is known to frequent the wooded areas of major cities, but now that I know it is a domesticated tiger, we can all go about our days. Also, why would someone put a collar on a tiger? Is that so no child sees it in the street and says, “mommy, can we keep him,” only for the mother to say, “sorry honey, but he has a collar. He’s someone’s pet!”
In the first video, you can hear the officer repeatedly saying, “no sir” over and over again to Shere Khan here. Leave it to Texas to still maintain polite decorum during a tense situation such as this, not ceasing on the manners. I wonder if that is why the tiger never attacked the guy. “Hey, I know I am an uncivilized blood-thirsty big cat, but he did call me ‘sir’ which is a nice change of pace, maybe I’ll just drink out of this puddle instead.”
Toward the end of the video, one can hear what is presumed to be the tiger’s owner coming out of his house only to be refuted by the officer telling him to “get the f*** back inside.” If I was in that officer’s shoes, that is the exact opposite approach that I would take. I am along the lines of, “oh there you are, yeah, this is your problem; I’m not trying to get eaten today.”
How does this even happen? If you own a tiger this size, I figure the most important thing about your house is whatever enclosure it is kept inside. Was this a work-release program for the tiger? Is the owner trying to give it a little trust to see if it can be an around-the-house kind of animal? You’d think the enclosure wouldn’t be so flippant as to allow an “oops my tiger got out, my bad,” kind of situation.
No word yet on how the conflict was resolved, but as of writing, Detroit is 10 games back of the division-leading White Sox.