There is an extensive list of attributes of which you should not judge a person. Anything that’s on an EEO form is a pretty good place to start. One such thing apart from that list where it’s more than OK to judge someone is their culinary habits. Do they bake chicken and sprinkle just a little salt and garlic on it? Judged. Do they say the phrase, “this is my take on (popular, traditional food?” Judged. Do they dab a pizza with a napkin before serving or eating? Mega judged. Unfortunately, none of those atrocities so much as scratch the surface of an internet trend I came across: marinating chicken in NyQuil.
*Deep and uncomfortable existential sigh*
Listen, I know this all but certainly started as a joke, or at the very least has continued as a joke. That said, are we all aware of just how stupid Americans tend to be? There is undoubtedly a number of people out there who whiffed on the context and tone of this and thought, “ya know, that’s not a half-bad idea.”
I have enough issues with the caucasity of how some people marinate chicken or prepare chicken already. Now, I have to deal with some Ridiculousness-watching, Mountain Dew-drinking mouth-breather from a flyover state trying to rectify his cough and lack of dinner plans in one full swoop?
This also opens a door to more baby boomer narratives about millennials, because I can guarantee you this wasn’t 56-year-old woman named Terry from Oconomowoc cooking up this chicken. No, it was some 24-year-old named Tyler who wrote-in Travis Scott on his election ballot. Boomers haven’t forgotten about the Tide Pod incidents or kids making themselves pass out. Now, the people who used to smoke on planes, think a desk protected them from a nuclear bomb and assumed they could make $50,000 but afford an $800,000 house have even more ammo to mock millennials.
Trends like these are why I don’t ever worry about the planet facing an overpopulation crisis. We are just going to keep on having parents who cannot distinguish the usage differences in homophones homeschool their kids with X’s in their names because they “don’t like what public schools are teaching MY children.” Those kids grow up, chase clout and will succumb to a TikTok trend sooner or later.
Soon, we will no longer have graphics detailing the leading causes of death in America as “cancer, car accidents, suicide, etc.” and instead it will just be a list of which social media trend has taken the most lives. Future history books will not only teach students about famines and pandemics of the past, but also the great “how many thumbtacks can you swallow challenge” of 2024 that wiped out 10 percent of a generation.
Now, if you’ll excuse me I’m a little groggy, so I’m going to go to the fridge and the medicine cabinet and fix up some “wakeywakey bacon.”