We are encroaching upon the waning days of the football season with just seven games remaining before an over six-month hiatus into the fall. There are few things that upset me to my core quite like the final few football games of the season. I speak to it like I would a eulogy: I should’ve spent more time with football, I never truly appreciated football, and I can’t wait to see football again.
Alas, this weekend we have four of those remaining seven, and so we are going to bet the every living shit out of them. Given the finite amount of games, Ben, Doc, and I each bet just four games instead of five. Ricky is done with Gamblin’ Dans for the season as he lives it up in the Bahamas. Without further ado, let’s get right into it.
Packers -6.5 vs Rams
So you’re telling me I have the best team in the league with the NFL MVP at quarterback, playing a warm-weather team in the snow, and all I need to do is win by a touchdown? Oh, and that best team in the league also had a week off to rest and prepare, while aforementioned road team is not certain who will play at quarterback? Yeah, I think I’m going to roll with the Pack on this one.
Bills -2 vs Ravens
Give me a flimsy table, pass me the condiments, and let’s throw dildos onto the field, because I am all aboard Bills mafia. Did the let me down ATS last week? Sure. Did the break my Dolphins-loving heart into a zillion pieces SU the week prior? You’re damn right. But this team is red hot, winners of seven in-a-row, all but last week by double-digits.
In comes the Ravens, fresh off a come-from-behind victory at Tennessee. Quarterback Lamar Jackson had his first quality showing in the postseason in his young career, but came out this week saying he was not certain about playing in the snow. It looks to be in the 20s and 30s with snow on the ground on Saturday in Buffalo, so give me the experience, the hot-hand, and the Mafia.
Buccaneers +3 vs Saints
This one is a little harder to explain. The Saints whooped the Tom Brady-led Bucs the first time around, 34-23, and then the second time, the Saints beat them even worse, 38-3. Like a husband trying to get handsy after a few scotches on date night, the third try may be the charm here for Brady and the Bucs.
They are winners of five-in-a-row, three of which were on the road. Brady has the offense going, throwing for at least 345 year’s in five of the last six games, and now has AFC-castaways Antonio Brown and Leonard Fournette contributing, as well. Drew Brees does not look the same, and I think this close Vegas line is telling us all we need to know in this one. Take the pirates.
WHAMMY: Chiefs -10 vs Browns
Would I love the Browns to continue their underDAWG — you’re welcome, Ohio — run through the playoffs? Of course. But that’s a different type of dudes on that other sideline in Patrick Mahomes, Travis Kelce, and Tyreek Hill. Kansas City had a week to prepare and will go up against one of the lesser defenses in the NFL. That is a recipe for a blowout in the land of Arthur Byrant.
The Browns have been hit by Covid from everyone from the offense to defense to the coaching staff. I’m sure at this point, it’s run so deep that Sonny Weaver, Jr. has the virus. They caught lightning in a bottle against a fraudulent Steelers team, and I don’t see that happening against this good of a team.