Man Finds Frog in Box of Lettuce; Keeps It

If you’re a fan of our podcast, you know that when I say I don’t like lettuce, that’s a dramatic understatement. No one says, “I’m really craving lettuce” and if they do they’re either classic vita signaling or they’re mentally unwell. People will say, “oh, but it has zero calories so it is healthy for you!” Really? So eating lettuce has the same amount of calories as not eating lettuce? I’ll take the latter. Now, I have a new reason as Simon Curtis posted on Twitter he found a damn frog in his.

Now, I can guarandamntee you that you will never find a frog in your steak. Want a chocolate chip cookie? No frog in there. How about bacon? Call me when Kermit is hanging amongst the Oscar Meyer containments. If what you’re eating has a frog in it, you’re doing something wrong.

Is this going to be a new fad in lettuce? “Excuse me, waiter, but is this salad farm to table, or better yet, rain forest to table?”

I do respect the hell out of Curtis for deciding to keep the little guy. You don’t typically see that in other instances. That guy who found shrimp in his cereal didn’t exactly love that. My wife found an ant caked onto her burrito at a TexMex restaurant once, and she politely threw it the hell away. But not my man here. He saw an opportunity and left at it.

But then again, why wouldn’t you keep this frog? He’s been through some shit, man. He was just minding his own business, stopped off for a snack and then bam, he’s packaged, put in another box, shipped away in a truck, unloaded, stocked in a store, purchased and brought home and then opened up. It’s like an Arnold Lobel tale come to life. That’s resiliency in its finest form. You think you’ve been through some stuff in this world? Try living my frog Tony (that’s what he named it) here.

No one really looks sideways at a frog. It’s similar to Christoph Waltz’s infamous opening scene in Inglorious Bastards where he compares the perceptions between rats and squirrels. If it was a toad, yuck. If it was some other slimy, reptilian-adjacent creature, yuck. But a frog? Pretty cute.

Though, I have to say the real moral of the story is how Tony got in there in the first place. He wanted that lettuce. He thought it was either food or habitat, and now you’re eating that. Your appetite shares commonality with that of a frog, and I don’t think that’s what Charles Darwin had in mind.

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