Man Dressed as Chewbacca Stabs a Guy in New Orleans

I have tried to stop allowing myself to be surprised by seemingly on-brand occurrences. When someone cuts in front of me at the airport, I try to think oh yeah of course that’s what they do, because people at the airport forget they aren’t the devil. When I hit a horrible tee shot, instead of yelling obscenities, I try to remember that I just suck at golf. Such a sensation broke over me today when I read a man in New Orleans, dressed up as Chewbacca, is wanted for stabbing someone in a fight, because of course that happens in New Orleans.

I suspect the police are refraining from using the term “manhunt” as Chewbacca is technically a wookie. Attaching this picture as an attempt to gain information is beyond useless.

“Have you seen someone who looks like this?”

“Uh yes, on the rack at Party City, why?”

Also, what an asshole this guy is (aside from the stabbing) for dressing as Chewbacca and wielding a light saber? I’m not a big Star Wars guy and even I know Chewbacca does not have a light saber. You can’t just dress as Short Round from Indiana Jones and be like, “check out my whip, y’all.” Scooby Doo doesn’t yell “Jinkies!” What the hell is he trying to pull? Ya know, other than the stabbing thing.

What a ridiculous place to dress as Chewbacca, anyway. New Orleans is not Time Square or Hollywood or The Vegas Strip where you typically see characters from movies and TV; unless you count Sigma Chis from Ole Miss and tattooed castoffs from the Pacific Northwest as pop culture figures. It is piping hot and humid in New Orleans at all times. What a wild selection Chewbacca is for your performance art. That’s like deciding to be Princess Leia in a bikini in Winnipeg. It’s just not geographically intelligent.

How does an altercation with Chewbacca come about, anyway? How does one find themselves arguing with someone in that costume?

“R2D2 was better, asshole!”

“Oh no you did not just say that to me!”

It is unclear at this time the condition of the man who was stabbed by the wookie, but let’s all hope the assailant turns himself into the police force and abandons the dark side of the force.

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