Lions Cut Both Kickers, Per Dan Campbell’s Grunts

Tuesday marked a bloody day across NFL camps as rosters were required to be slimmed down from the 70s and 80s to a hard 53. The Patriots cut Cam Newton in the midst of a perceived quarterback battle, the Dolphins cut Pro Bowl linebacker Benardrick McKinney before he could ever suit up in a regular season game in South Florida, and the Bears cut former lockdown corner Desmond Trufant. Unquestionably, the biggest news of the day was the Lions doing what the Lions do: going full rogue.

Hell yeah, Lions. The fact none of us saw this coming when Dan Campbell was hired, frankly, is on us. I can only imagine how he informed Bullock and Gonzalez of their terminations. Did he walk in on them discussing La Liga and one of them called it “futbol” and Campbell lost it? Maybe he got tired of seeing their special shoes and said the team needs to be “one heartbeat?” Possibly, and I’m almost banking on this one, he just changed the code to the facility and put up a sign that said, “no nerds allowed” and the kickers just caught his drift.

This pretty on-brand for Campbell. If you told me to hazard a guess as to what NFL coach would just cut all his kickers and go to practice the next day without one, I wouldn’t exactly have to work my way down a list before I got to Campbell. Presumably both players found themselves at the bottom of the “Most Gainz” leaderboard in the weight room and that just didn’t sit right with the big guy.

So what’s the plan now? Of course the Lions are almost certainly going to just find another kicker and sign him but that kind of kills the fun of the blog, no? Is Campbell going to petition the NFL for the ability to have a “throw-off” instead of a kickoff, a la backyard football? Is he going to just ask the other guys on the roster, “who can kick the best” like Lt. Aldo Raine at the theatre?

It’s a mystery, but one thing is for certain: it’s going to be hard to kick if your knee caps are bitten off.

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