In the year of our Lord 2021, it seems that everybody has a social media side hustle of some kind. I am a walking embodiment of that, but if you look even further you’ll see Twitch streams, dog Instagram accounts, “Stan” Twitter accounts, and TikTok “life hack” videos as far as the eye can see. It appears that even Italian mafia fugitives can’t help themselves as last week Marc Feren Claude Biart was arrested in the Dominican Republic after Interpol came across his YouTube cooking show he hosts with his wife.
According to NBC News, Biart has been on the run for seven years after allegedly trafficking cocaine into the Netherlands in 2014. Though he did not show his face in the videos, he was identified by his distinctive body tattoos. I mean, my God, how did this guy last seven years evading police? “Oh, I’ll be extra careful not to show my face, but I’m sure they won’t recognize this tattoo of a dragon having a tea party with Mickey Mouse and Chaka Khan.” How can you be this stupid? If I had say three nipples and was evading police, I would probably, I don’t know, wear a shirt. Or, and hear me out here, I would not host a show on a video medium and detail my location, publicly broadcasting it out there.
I don’t know much about Biart, but I think we can safely assume he wasn’t top brass with the Ndrangheta crime syndicate. I imagine when word got back to Italy about his arrest, a top official said, “Marc got caught? Why am I not surprised? He never could shut up about his homemade vermicelli.” He has since been extradited back to Milan, where when I’m sure he gets to jail, one of his mafia buddies will tell him, “you just had to do the cooking show, didn’t you?” I wonder if when he gets to court he will tell the judge, “don’t forget to subscribe and review below!”
Another Ndrangheta member was arrested on Monday in Portugal as Francesco Pelle — who has been on the run for 14 years — was found receiving treatment at a clinic for Covid. Talk about your all-time bad luck. Imagine you’re Pelle and you’re nailing this whole fugitive thing. Thirteen years and no one has a trace of you, even on your home continent and bam, a global pandemic hits. Not only that, but with contact tracing, we’re all having to put our names down on a sheet like we are signing up to sing Could You Be Loved at karaoke night at TGI Friday’s. Pelle
I almost said poor Pelle until I remembered he was on the run for murder is not going to be pleased when he sees Biart in jail, I’ll tell you that much.
So far, the bust has produced 350 defendants as Interpol works to lessen the syndicate’s global presence. No word yet on whether or not they plan to scour TikTok, Instagram, and Twitch for more names.