Do you remember when you were a child complaining about a rule in the house, and your parents would tell you, “when you’re the adult and you pay the bills, you can make the rules.” Well, apparently the same goes for when you are the CEO of a multi-billion dollar company, as Telsa CEO Elon Musk announced on Twitter he is reducing the price of the Tesla Model S to $69,420.
Being a CEO of a company that large must be pretty great. Want to show up at 11 a.m. because you’re hungover? Fine. Want to make an official job title of “Jester” and tell your corporate recruiters to reach out to all your enemies and say they’re perfect for the role? Go for it. Want to just take a couple weeks off, fly across the world, discover a new species of seahorse, and then just f***ing spearhunt those new seahorses? All you, baby.
But the fact that Musk prices out their flagship sedan to match the price of a sexual position and the international time/day of smoking a little reefer, is next level. Just imagine for a second, that there is an entire department of developers, finance experts, marketing gurus, and so forth that have been working on this project for months and months. They reach the final stages after long days into nights into weekends, putting their Ivy League educations and dense vocational backgrounds to work, and when they reach that finish line, their CEO worth an estimated $93.7 billion essentially tells them, “LOL what if we…”
There’s f*** you money, and then there’s f*** you decision-making, and Musk has both, it appears. Somewhere at Tesla in the next year, their accounting department will have to discuss how discounting the Model S down to $69,420 affected their bottomline. Just imagine how many times employees at the largest domestic electric vehicle manufacturer will have to type out $69,420.
Former Tesla executive Peter Rawlinson started up a rival electric car company, Lucid. Not to be outdone, Lucid announced on Wednesday that the Lucid Air sedan would cost $77,400, which after a federal tax credit of $7,500 brings the price down to, you guessed it, $69,900. NOBODY TRIES TO OUTDO ELON ON 69 JOKES, PETER, YOU KNOW THIS.
Former NFL player Dominique Foxworth once said on ESPN that he was intimidated by the intelligence of NFL owners until he met all of them. Then, he realized that while they’ve accumulated mass wealth, they were not in a different league intellectually than him. Keep that life lesson in mind next time you think you don’t have the God-given mental capacity of some of the world’s wealthiest executives. Just think, a guy worth almost 12 figures, makes important decisions based on weed and sex act jokes. Though, I wouldn’t have it any other way. Keep on keepin’ on, Elon, and we’ll be sure to keep the “dank memes” flowing.