BY MICHAEL QUIRK
There is an old adage that states something along the lines of there are only two things that are still good even when they’re bad: sex and pizza. While “sex and pizza” would make a killer band name, another piece should be added to the saying and that is Chick-Fil-A. While the chicken chain rarely misses (except for the Hartford, CT location, come at me), it’s taking a hit in recent weeks due to a sauce shortage.
“We are actively working to make adjustments to solve this issue quickly and apologize to our guests for any inconvenience,” the company said in a statement. Most of the chain’s locations are limiting guests to once sauce per item, something I can confirm first-hand.
This news is big for the hoards of unorganized college students and recent grads that have stored extra Chick-Fil-A sauce in their refrigerators for years. It almost comes standard at this point for any used refrigerator one buys in the South: gently used, three pullout drawers, extra Chick-Fil-A sauce in the butter compartment. But hey, who is laughing now? Chick-Fil-A sauce is about to become more valuable than Bitcoin and Beanie Babies combined.
To try to counter the news cycle, they are apparently entering the chicken wing game. According to Business Insider, the wings will be available for delivery in Nashville and eventually in Atlanta under the name of “Little Blue Menu,” a nod to the original menu’s at the first restaurant. Here is an inside look at the reactions from Popeyes, Bojangles, and KFC:
Man, the Cathy family is coming for that crown. This feels like a revenge play, no? Y’all all think it’s fun and games with your sandwiches. Oh, look at us in our sandwich wars ha ha ha. WELL IF A WAR IS WHAT YOU WANT, CHICKEN CHAINS, THEN A WAR IS WHAT YOU ARE GOING TO GET. THE FIRST FLAVOR OF WINGS IS GOING TO BE CALLED “FIRE” BECAUSE WHERE THERE IS FIRE, THERE IS SMOKE, AND YOU ALREADY KNOW CHICK-FIL-A WANTS ALL OF THAT.
We are living in exciting times. I see people mention on Twitter all the time how they’ll explain the pandemic to their grandchildren one day. I don’t think my grandkids will give a shit about that frankly, and instead they’ll want to hear why Chick-Fil-A woke up one day and chose violence.