Former NBA All-Star and current NBA on TNT maverick Charles Barkley appeared on Jimmy Kimmel Live on Wednesday. Among topics he discussed — including an impossibly funny trip down memory lane of old Barkley quotes — was his daughter’s upcoming wedding.
Barkley said he has tried to lose weight leading up to the nuptials, but not for pictures or comments, rather because the groom-to-be is Jewish, and Barkley is worried about the hora.
“I’ve been really working out hard, because apparently they’re going to pick me up in a chair,” he said. “Listen, I need all Jewish people on deck, brother. I can only get so skinny by Saturday.”
I have never emphasized with a feeling more. In your day-to-day, you can factor in some ambiguity to your appearance; wear black, wear clothing that fits properly, wear stupid lensless frames to distract from your gut. When you are up in that chair, though, and all eyes are on you, you are as exposed and vulnerable as a single, older man with two good hips calling out bingo numbers at the retirement home.
There’s no hiding your true weight when they are calling in reinforcements to help with each leg of the chair. When you hear the group below you let out a collective “ugh” as you are first hoisted, it hits you right square in the feelings. People around the venue getting a chuckle to the tune of, “oof it looks like they’re struggling.”
On the flip side, the hora is more of a workout than anything I have experienced in my life. We need to stop worrying about Crossfit and worry more about Chrossfit
I’ll admit that joke works better phonetically than in print but my Yiddish-speaking folks out there can appreciate it so I’m leaving it in. There should be gyms across the country fitted with just chairs, where when anyone asks if you need a spot with that lift, it’s a chair lift.
Barkley is no small guy, so I imagine he isn’t the only one preparing for this particular hora. The groom’s side has likely been training for this ever since the save-the-dates went out. When the Phoenix-area wedding DJ calls out the hora for Sir Charles, I imagine six dudes are going to look at each other thinking, “this is it: the moment we’ve been training for.”
Regardless, congratulations to the future Mr. and Mrs. Hoffman, and also a congratulations to the Arizona chiropractors that receive an influx of business next week.