Central Arkansas has a Basketball Nominee for the All-Names Team

Most of the time when I am on the sofa watching sports, I am locked in on the action. Though, from time-to-time, I’ll treat it like a rerun of The Office where I mostly just scroll through my phone and then occasionally look up when my interest gets piqued. Monday night during Ole Miss’s 68-54 victory over Central Arkansas qualifies as the latter, and boy oh boy was my interested piqued.

That shining moment came in the final minute of action as a 6’10 freshman forward came in for the Bears to finish it out. You may be thinking to yourself, “Michael, a substitution in the waning minute a ho-hum out-of-conference win for Ole Miss over a directional school from Arkansas does not set off even the slightest of alarms in my head.” Oh yeah, skeptical reader of an obscure sports blog? What if I told you that freshman substitute’s name was Churchill Bounds?

Courtesy of UCA Athletics

Yeah. I know. This enters into the All-Name Team but instead of Key & Peele territory, this one is slipping into Goldman Sachs intern territory. Let me say it again, Churchill Bounds. Churchill like the racetrack in Louisville and Bounds like the phonetically similar second word of that racetrack, Downs.

Bounds is from Cumberland, Maryland, which off-the-bat sounds like where someone named Churchill Bounds is from. Cumberland was home to famed Ohio State football coach, the late Earle Bruce. After perusing the “Notable People from Cumberland” portion of Wikipedia, it appears that it is a breeding ground for unbelievable names. Speaking of breeding, Cumberland is home to former Steelers linebacker Rod Breedlove, who has a wildly redundant last name paired with a seemingly minimum required counterpart for a first name. Other notable folks from the county seat of Allegany County include: poet J.V. Cunningham, comic Eddie Deezen (who we can only hope is a big fan of legumes), newspaper publisher William Harrison Loudermilk, and Army officer Edward Otho Cresap Ord.

Seriously, did you click the link to Ord’s Wikipedia page? Look at that picture. Of course he died in Cuba somehow. Anyway, back to Bounds. He played at the Bishop Walsh School, because well, of course he did. He helped lead the Spartans to two regional titles and one Bayside title, because well, of course Bishop Walsh competes for Bayside titles.

I cannot wait to see what is in store for Bounds, and I am being truthful when I say I want nothing but the best for he, his future wife Midge, his career at Rothman, Rothman, and Bounds, his two golden retrievers, and his future sons that all probably sail or something. Best of luck at UCA, Churchill, your name already has you ahead by six lengths.

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