When we originally started this website, we promised to give you almost exclusively Burger King content. And yet, to date, essentially none. THAT CHANGES TODAY. That’s because earlier today, I was scrolling through my Twitter feed when I saw a tweet from @BurgerKing with the title of “pete stan account.”
From some digging around, it appears as though Pete is some guy who kept tweeting at Burger King to bring back their Italian Original Chicken Sandwich, which reminds us all that it’s important to have a hobby. I have no idea if Pete is married or not, but “incessantly tweets about a sandwich coming back to Burger King” is primo Tinder profile material. Anyways, Pete, the self-appointed president and founding member of the Burger King Italian Chicken Sandwich Club went out recruiting.
This has 146 retweets as of 11:00 p.m. Monday night. That’s right, we’ve now got binding contracts for 147 members of the Burger King Italian Original Chicken Sandwich Club! The “Original” was added to keep any bandwagoners out if they try to come on board. ONLY OG’S FROM HERE ON OUT, FAM. IF YOU DIDN’T LOVE ME AT MY $2.99 DISCONTINUED ITEMS LIST, DON’T TRY TO LOVE ME AT MY $2.99 BROUGHT BACK ON THE MENU GLOW UP.
Boy oh boy, 147 people. That’s practically a Miami Marlins game. Pete — the brave, fearless and digestion-blocked leader of the club — sprinkled in a little background on the club for us.
Seven years. Seven. Years. Obama was still in office when Pete began this quest? So presidential regimes, Kevin Durant’s tenure with the Warriors, JoJo Siwa, all that happening around him and Pete is like, “they better bring this f***ing sandwich back.” That’s commitment. Ladies, if you’re looking for someone who will love you to the end of the Earth (so long as there isn’t an Italian fast food sandwich in-between here and there), look no further than Pete.
At this point, Pete began to come a little unhinged. He reminds us that’s a lot of tweets, letting us know he means business. Then he says it’s a lot of sandwiches, which is frankly hard to follow considering they’ve been discontinued. But THEN he tells us, “that’s about to change.” Is that a threat? Is Pete now exhausted of being reasonable? It’s time for Plan B, says Pete?
OK, now there is the chemically-balanced Pete we all kind of know, and love. He’s encouraging you to grab sandwiches for the whole gang, and even threw in a popular colloquialism for the road. So where does Pete go next in his quest? YOU’RE DAMN RIGHT HE GOES TO RESEARCH!
Oh Pete, you cheeky little fox. You gave the people no choice. Not unlike the merciless ruler of 146 other club members we knew you to be. You even gave a little flex after the polling results funneled in.
This is actually where the tale of our hero ends. It was just a Dr. Pepper-fueled hour of Italian Chicken Sandwich haymakers. One day, your grandkids may ask where you were when this happened. For 146 of you, you can say you had a front row seat to the king of Kings. Oh, and if you’re wondering what Burger King’s usual Twitter content is like, it’s mostly just people accusing them for being the reason they’re s***ting themselves and such.